A Blind Score

Before leaving Huntington Beach and heading home after my epic race, I decided to make a stop at the first gastropub I could find.  Rolling 13.1 miles entitles you to drink your weight in alcohol.  As I chugged, I couldn't stop admiring my finisher medal.

Four hours later, I rolled out into the afternoon sun, got lodged in a bike rack and fell asleep.  I don't know how long I was out, but when I awoke I found myself in a storage unit, surrounded by at least a hundred cases of Girl Scout Cookies.  (I keep forgetting how doggone adorable and kidnappable I am.)

I assessed the situation and decided I would need to sober up quickly if I was going to get out of this predicament.  As I considered my options, I downed four boxes of Samoas to help me think, followed by two more to replenish all of the carbs I burned in the half marathon, as well as to soak up the rest of the alcohol in my core.  Eleven sleeves of Thin Mints later, I had formulated a solid plan.  I would sit and wait until someone opened the door, and then roll outta there.  It was almost too perfect.  I rewarded my brilliant thinking with some obscenely tall stacks of Toffee-tastics.  

Since I had time to kill, I played a round of "See If I Can Fit In It".  Turns out I fit perfectly inside of a Lakers garbage can.  I do not fit inside of a portable heater, box spring, breastpump motor, or plastic air duct extension.

By this point I may or may not owe the Girl Scouts a couple hundred dollars.

A New Average

These last few days have been extraordinary.  I feel completely liberated.  My negative thought patterns have shifted and I feel ambitious for the first time in weeks.  Rock bottom for me was probably last Thursday, late afternoon, waking up covered in my own chemically inert puke after downing two whole Papa John's pizzas back to back.  After the puke dried, I remember stumbling into the library and finding the paperback that changed my life forever.  Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins.  

Talk about inspirational!  Here's a guy who was a complete waste of space, living in a crappy dump and washing his dishes in the bathtub.  And now look at him!  Handsome, rich, influential, and at the top of his game!  As I flipped through the chapters, I caught the following passage on page 187 and it was as if he was speaking directly to me:

"I used to be just the way you may be now.  Pizza was my favorite food.  I didn't think I could give it up.  But since I have, I've felt so much better there's not a chance in a million years I'll ever go back.  Trying to describe the difference is like trying to describe the smell of a rose to someone who has never smelled one."

The whole tome is filled with crucial information regarding nutrition, positive thinking and how to get better results in life.  I found out that meat is filled with colon germs (pg. 184), cottage cheese is filled with Plaster of Paris (pg. 187), and that trampolining is the best aerobic activity on the planet (pg. 172).  I read the whole book in three nights!  When I finished it, I noticed an inscription from Anthony Robbins himself on the front cover:

"Sarah, Live with Passion! Tony Robbins"  

For a moment I was too stunned to function.  My new idol had personally handled this book!  But my mind was flooded with questions.  Who was this Sarah character, and why the hell would she give this book away?  What a passionless bonehead.

Immediately after finishing the book, I signed up for the Surf City Half Marathon.  Time to tackle that bucket list and attain excellence like Tony would want me to.  Since I don't own a trampoline (or really know what one is yet), I spent the whole day before the race training in the park, which felt invigorating to say the least.    

The next morning I bought a disposable camera on the way to Huntington Beach.  Here are some of the pictures I took of my first exciting race experience:

Here's me in the starting corral.

Here's me getting water.  Proper hydration is key.

Here's me rolling past Mile 9 like a boss.

Here's me basking in my glory after the race.  We each got a finisher medal and a solar blanket!  I found a nice peaceful spot on the beach to chill and watch the waves and think about Sarah, who is probably wishing she had half my initiative.

Oh shit.

Here's me right before this seagull regurgitated food into my mouth hole like I was her baby.

Another race perk - free downloadable finisher certificates!

I have to say the race itself was a true test of my strength, endurance, and mental stamina.  At times I wanted to quit.  At times I wanted to scream.  At times I was unable to move forward up a hill until someone picked me up and threw me.  But I had a lot of help and support on the course, and since this was my first half marathon, I earned an automatic PR!