Merry Picklemas!

Welp, it's Christmas.  I spent Christmas Eve alone in the doorway of the Scientology building, as there was too much garbage stuffed in my abandoned newspaper receptacle home to inhabit it.  That's ok, this is way more exciting than being in someone's closet all year.  I'm seeing so much of the world already and it's only been about a week since I've been out on my own.  I rolled down the Hollywood Walk of Fame today and saw so many cool stars.  I started dreaming that maybe one day one of them could say "Pickle".  I am so totally in the Christmas spirit, I am seriously about to crack.  I rolled over to the intersection of Hollywood and Vine and found Jimmy Stewart's star!  How fabulous and relevant!  

It's a wonderful life indeed.  I sure have a lot to be grateful for.  For starters, I'm hella good looking.  My sparkly swirls glitter in the moonlight and I resemble NGC 5033, one of the sexiest spiral galaxies known to Hubble.  I am also a Columbia 300 model made from Columbia Industries.  I'm kind of a "big deal" in the bowling world.  Also, I'm indestructible.  I'll still be around when robots take over the world.  I'll get to see humans colonize Mars and I'll survive the nuclear blast that destroys the earth.  Then it'll just be me and all the other bowling balls left here and we will rule everything.  We'll rebuild and create a new landscape made entirely of freshly oiled lanes.  There will be NO gutters ANYWHERE.  Bowling ball Heaven!